Sunday School Laughs

LOT’S WIFE:
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot ’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once, while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

GOOD SAMARITAN:
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

HIGHER POWER:
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?” One child blurted out, “Aces!”

MOSES AND THE RED SEA :
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.
They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked? “Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD:
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task—but, he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

UNANSWERED PRAYER?
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,
“I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.” “How come He doesn’t do it?” she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister’s prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?”
Tommy answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just then did!”

TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. “Yes, sir,” the boy replied. “And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor asked. “No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.” As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, Why do you always add the part about all girls?” Her response, “Because we always finish our prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. “Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” Said his mother. “I don’t have to,” The boy replied. “Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating, at our house.” “That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!

See more progress on: Compile a list of prose that touch my heart

I've learned

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe

~Brian Wilder

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Kindness

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
is all the sad world needs.

by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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Universal Laws

If you give Love, you receive Love whether you enter a church building or not! If you give kindness, you will receive kindness whether you carry a halo over your head or not.(Okay, that’s a little extreme) If you give service you receive back in relation to the service provided. If you give out unpleasantness, you receive back things and circumstances that are unpleasant. No ifs, ands, or buts, that is how Universal Laws operate.

See more progress on: Compile a list of prose that touch my heart